Monday, January 02, 2006

Happy New Year

Am in an internet cafe having lost what little patience I have on using dial-up connection.
It is now 2006. A momentous year for sure. Just look at the news already. It's a biggie. There I've warned you. I feel dirty and inadequate to report this news knowing that the limits of these sorry premises make it impossible for me to post pictures with this article.
It's official, the results of a clever Radio 4 poll have shown who the 10 most powerful people in Britain are. No mentions of mums or girlfriends here, cos this is Radio 4 and this is serious!
So here we go:

Who Runs Britain?
1. Jose Manuel Barroso - 22%
2. Rupert Murdoch - 15%
3. Parliament - 14%
4. The British People - 12%
5. Gus O'Donnell - 10%
6. Terry Leahy - 7%
7. Tony Blair - 7%
8. Google - 6%
9. Gordon Brown - 4%
10. Shami Chakrabarti - 4%

So soak this information in. What? You don't know who Jose Manuel Barroso is? No, not the guy who gloriously beat-up Prince Naseem - that's Marco Antonio Barrera. And let's not be mistaken the guy who is more powerful than the bloke who beat the Prince is a powerful man indeed.
He is *drumroll* (or sausage roll if preferred) the European Commission President. Wow. Radio 4 is very high brow, you know. Other luminaries in the top 10 included Terry Leahy and Gus O'Donnell you could, of course, have read that from the table above, I am just padding out this article.
Queue Roger Knapman, the leader of UKIP (alleged Nazis in suits, or is that Nazis in alleged suits?) raconteur extraordinaire and obvious successor to the late Peter Ustinov (you know him of Pete and Bernie's philosophical steak house) observing dryly thus; "Of course it is the only chance you'll get to vote for him or for that matter against him." Un bon mot sir.
In an exhaustive poll I have been led to believe, by myself in search of a punchline, that the Liberal Democrats came in 77th place just behind Nancy Dell'Olio and Cheryl Tweedy.

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