Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Juicy Gossip

OJ: both Simpson and Orange Juice both deeply unpopular

"I'm parched" said little Charlie, "can i have some fruit juice please?". "Of course, you can Charlie. Here you are." "Thanks mummy (takes sip). WHAT THE F*** IS THIS?" "Calm down Charlie, it's grapefruit juice; but I do have some pomegranite and loganberry cordial if you'd prefer". "Would I b**l*cks, where's my orange juice? I hate you" shouted the irascible little upstart as he stormed off to his bedroom.
The above is a work of fiction, of course. But in a sick twist of fate, fiction imitates life and the unbelievable has happened: for the 6th year running orange juice's share of the fruit juice market has fallen. With the new fruit on the block being the apple. In fact, is apple the new orange? HOW DO YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?
Since 1999 orange juice sales have been on the slide. Orange juice still remains the biggest juice drink, representing 69% of sales. But the new century has seen a steady decline in dominance, down from 77% in 1999. Orange Juice was so popular that there was a band of the same name - headed by Edwin Collins - in the 1980s.
ASDA served up a vision of the future when it decided, due to falling sales, to axe Sunny Delight from their shelves. Whilst largely unproven, it is thought that too much Sunny Delight in the diet can cause an orange form of suntan.
Oranges are not the only fruit...

Hey man are you okay ? Should I get a doctor ? Have you been taking those happy pills ? Or is it Sunny D withdrawal symptoms ?
....btw Its not just orange that you can go. Green, Purple, Yellow, ummm terracotta.... You can get the same effect from booze! There's hope for all those Sunny D addicts after all!
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Do they do blue ? Where's bloody five year old when you need one ?
You rockin' the ganj at work again? You about for arrows in about half hour?
A novel use for communications with one esteemed friend and fellow arrow chucker.

Possibly. Got to do a bit of ducking and diving so the boss done see what I'm up to.
Bollocks! No place to have a private conversation.
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11:59 PM
Shameless Sales Person.
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