Thursday, March 30, 2006

King of Chavs stripped of privileges

This is yesterday's news, but thanks to a certain TWO RUDE TORY MEN it had to be delayed.
The Sun was quick to cover the story of jailed, King of Chavs, Mikey Carroll. As Britain's favourite tabloid reports:
"Carroll, who won a £9.7million jackpot in 2002, is serving a nine-month stretch for affray after pleading guilty last month to brandishing a baseball bat in a mini-riot at a Christian rock concert in Downham Market, Norfolk."
Hey until reading this, I never knew Mikey was a Christian. I bet he wasn't in your play Kerron...
Mikey Carroll got into trouble for getting smashed on prison-brewed hooch (generic word for booze rather than the sadly no longer in existence alcho-pop) and then shouitng, singing and insulting any and everyone at the top of his voice. No booze was found in his cell because he had drunk it all. He was subsequently stripped of his privileges, but not his burberry.
Carroll is one of the scummier people in the UK best (along with Jeffrey Archer) and is famed for his misdemeanours, which include chucking Big Macs at pedestrians (becuase Quarter Pounders aren't big enough - really!); posession of cocaine and handling stolen goods. Not to mention racing his cars, at full pace and volume, until two or three in the morning, sometimes all night.
However, Stella-necking animal Carroll has also entered the boxing ring for two celebrity fights with Rhyno (the most massive of all the massive Gladiators - awooga!). Mikey's girlfriend Sami (not sure if they're still together) said; "I am really proud that he had the guts to get in the ring. He did do some runs before the fight - but most of his training was on lager." The first fight was somehow called a draw but in the rematch, with the nation urging Rhyno to do Carroll, the tattooed, football kit wearing Chav was knocked out in Round 2.
If this isn't enough, he also tried to bribe his local Council into letting him switch on the Christmas lights to where he lives (somewhere near Norwich I think)

Are writing the headlines for the news of the world now ?
Carroll is not a Christian (as far as I am aware). He crashed a Christian rock act armed with a baseball bat.

Of course I was in a Christian play, with rock songs, which is completely different - as you well know!

I can confirm no-one turned up to our production armed with an offensive weapon. Travis even left his blow-dart gun at work.

I just want to say what a sad pathetic loser Paul Burgin is. Let me just ask him this question. If god (my favourite fictional character) does exist Mr Burgin, then how come he hasn’t got you a job in Parliament after 10 years of trying?
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