Monday, May 15, 2006

Big Brother's watching you and, tragically, we're watching Big Brother




It's that time of the year again: the time where the most annoying, false, stupid and desperate for fame freaks, deviants and objectionable fools get together in a house and make ridiculous, boring and substandard TV and like the dullards we are, we watch. Every night.
In fact, I haven't watched BB regularly since the first two series - not that I am a Big Brother elitist, far from it, just that it took me two series to realise how much it is possible to detest people you will never meet. Hopefully. Touch wood.
Last time out, weirdos included a guy called Science; a x-dresser called Kemal; an alleged illegal immigrant Makosi; Derek Laud (black, gay, Tory and posh); Orlaith who has since become an occassional page 3 girl; Kinga the Minger; stupidly camp Craig and loads of women who had massive boobs but still failed to be fit.
This year's tomfoolery promises a complete stranger entering the house after getting a 'winning' ticket in a KitKat - just like Willy Wonka, I bet the chosen person will be more wanker than wonka - call it a hunch.
Rumours abound that milk will be off the shopping list and instead a cow will be in the garden for milking purposes. Hilarious. Another rumour was that a celebrity would be in the house, but as a non-celebrity; just showing how desperate Channel 4 are to live off the success of non-celeb, Chantelle Houghton going into, and eventually winning, Celeb Big Brother.
If things couldn't get better, enemy of Beef Davina McCall will handle proceedings. One contestant already announced who sounds so bad I hope he doesn't make it in is Shahbaz Choudhary. Well, my least favourite BB contestant ever is Marco - so this guy still has miles to go to reach that level. Actually, do I hate Marco more than Jade? Too tough to call. Jade might just snatch it with her determination not to be shifted out of the media spotlight (well, at least, DD list).

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