Tuesday, September 19, 2006
London's free papers
A modern day cutting your nose off to spite your face: "I will read this rubbish because it's free but I won't read that rubbish becuase it's not free." For sure the levels of rubbish differ, from educated, researched, biased rubbish through to unresearched crap with spelling mistakes. I don't mean to insinuate that all newspapers are rubbish but, well...they sort of are, really.
With that off my chest I can pass on the glories of the London Lite, which is as far as I can deduce the worst thing to be put to print since the script of any Martin Lawrence film script (aside from Bad Boys...and Bad Boys II at a pinch).
My favourite articles were football-related, but they did not appeal to my total anorak, obsessive side but rather the cultural side ("understanding of popular culture" as Mr A. Hilton, Ilford refers to it); that's right the world of hair styles and WAGs. And who better to talk hair than David Beckham, the man of a 100 haircuts? However, he was not about to discuss his own barnet but rather the locks of his beloved, Victoria.
And I quote:
"I said to her 'I'd love you to change your hair, and do something like a bob (1),' so when I saw the pictures I was like, 'Oh my God, it looks incredible'. It was my idea, she knew how strongly I felt about her going back to a bob because when I first met her she had a bob so I said it's the best haircut for me.(2)"
(1) Hmmm...a bob?
(2) And her.
However, you think this experience was unpleasant for Golden Balls? It's small beer when compared to the travails of ex-Emmerdale actress Sheree Murphy (Tricia Dingle who died when a building collapsed on her) and her lifestyle as a WAG (she's a W and not a G).
"The battle for the best clothes, she says, is fierce, particularly at Cricket, the Liverpool store loved by the northern WAGs, including Coleen McLoughlin, Alex Curran and Nicola Carragher. 'There is huge competition to get the new stuff first,' says the London-born 29 year old.
'We'll ring up and try to get the manager to put stuff behind (1) for us and make sure that none of the other WAGs buy it first(2). It is quite stressful, actually (3).'[...]Despite her clothing battles with her fellow wives and girlfriends, Sheree is the first to jump to the defence of footballers' partners who do opt to do little but shop and enjoy the media attention (4).[...] During a night out in Liverpool she almost got into a fight with a girl who was trying to chat up, Harry, 27. Sheree says: 'She was talking to my husband and began flirting with him so I wandered over and explained that I am his wife but the girl just carried on. 'She didn't care, I was shocked so I stood there until she got really bitchy and nasty. I wouldn't have been surprised if things had turned nasty.'[...] Recently she has made a name for herself as a presenter on MTV's Footballers' Cribs - a job she feels qualified for because her own house is so big(5). She lives just outside Liverpool in a sprawling property, which boasts everything from a swimming pool to a games room(6)."
(1) behind the bike shed.
(2) I am sorry to be pedantic but if 'we' phone up how can the manager leave stuff behind to stop another WAG to buy it? 'We' suggesting more than one.
(3) I bet!
(4) All's fair in love and shopping.
(5) As good a qualification as any degree.
(6) But surely a swimming pool and a games room are quite similar. For instance any question about swimming pools or games room would be covered by the same subject (Sport and Leisure - Orange) in a game of Trivial Pursuit. Maybe 'everything from a swimming pool to an Arga (Science and Nature - Green).' Or 'everything from a library (Art and Literature - Brown) to a games room'.
A quite exceptional piece of Simon Jordan, the Crystal Palace Chairman, aside the London Lite is a really bad papaer and only just warrants its extortionate price.