Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Ryder Cup

Some people find golf dull. Not me I could watch it all day and, in fact, plan to do just that on Sunday. This Ryder Cup is showing up differences between US and European culture. For goodness sake, what the hell are the US lot wearing? All very country squire. Frankly, they look ridiculous.
Not only do they look shit, they speak shit too. In a Press Conference after the US team eventually turned up in Dublin, the genial (annoyingly so) US captain, Tom Lehman bolloxed on about tortillas. I'll gratuitously cut and paste his comments into one monologue. This explains why the US were late.

"Tortillas. See the look on your face? (1) I love it. (2) Like 'what the heck are you talking about? Tortillas - what are they?' (3) We live in Arizona. It's the land of Mexican food.(4) And when we were over here a few weeks ago it was very difficult to find good chips and salsa.(5) I mean, good authentic chips and salsa.(6) So rather than try to find it we decided to bring our own corn tortilla.(7) Swear to God.(8) Three bags, this is the truth.(9) My wife ordered them, I packed them into my travel bag (10) and I tried to move it and I couldn't even get it off the ground. I couldn't even move it an inch!(11) It's a one-way trip absolutely because we're going to eat those babies."(12)

(1) It's because you're dressed like a prick.
(2) Good Naked Gun 2 1/2 quote.
(3) I know what tortillas are you stupid twat.
(4) No, that's Mexico.
(5) What you chatting about tortillas or chips 'n' salsa?
(6) Not shit fake chips and salsa? Got plenty of that.
(7) What about the chips and salsa? Good authentic by the way.
(8) Yeh f*ck 'im.
(9) I believe you.
(10) Ok I believed you when you said you had three bags full.
(11) I don't believe it.
(12) That's what Christians used to accuse Jews of.

So that's that. cheers, Tom. You give a great interview. It just reinforces preconceptions that Americans are a bit, you know, weird.

However, Ian Woosnam does his best to redress this balance with an equally nonsensical interview. This is about the highlights package that the European team have been watching to psyche themselves up. It makes Woosie sound older than Sir Mung Bean 'I love Bet Lynch' Campbell.

"We have a very good video this year.(1) There's bits of different music - a lot more modern stuff.(2) A bit noisy some of it!"(3)

(1) Video? Get with the kidz Gramps.
(2) Modern stuff? Like rock 'n' roll? Get with the kidz Gramps.
(3) I can just picture the Team Europe mosh-pit.

He capped it off with this cracker when talking about the European team's trip to a wine cellar.

"We don't want to drink too much." - What the f*ck are you going to a cellar for then??

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