Barry's Beef

I'll blog England's Ashes defeat in more detail when I have more time, but you can have my thoguhts on our wicket-keeper (with the superior batting ability)
This one works better when said with a heavy South African accent:
Geraint Jones putting the 'Can't' into 'Can't bat'

Labels: Geraint FUCKING Jones, the Ashes

I do not fully recognise the scope of the England cricket team's management committe. It consists of Freddie (the captain) and Strauss (presumably as senior batsman and vice-captain). However, the other two members are a touch more contentious: Paul Collingwood and...Geraint Jones. Collingwood, despite his magnificent double century in the last test, was scheduled not to be in the team but made the XI after it became apparent Vaughan wouldn't be fit and after Trescothick left the tour early. However, the inclusion of Jones is patently stupid. Jones is not playing well, his keeping is inferior to Chris Read, his batting is hardly setting the world on fire and, basically put, he shouldn't be in the squad nevermind the team. The one thing Jones brings to the team and, to be fair, he brings it in spades; is an incredibly composed and 'crickety' look when trudging back to the pavilion after seeing one his stumps cartwheel down to fine leg. See this YouTube clip to understand what I mean, look at that dignity; you wouldn't have guessed he's just been done like a kipper. With Christmas fast approaching, it makes sense to assess Jones' role on the committee and the team as turkeys not voting for Christmas.

Labels: England, Geraint FUCKING Jones, the Ashes, turkeys voting for Christmas

Have a close look, we might not be seeing them again for a while. Am absolutely gutted. A totally abject England performance has handed the Ozzies the initiative and a 2-0 lead in the Ashes with 3 tests to go.
Things to do:

1) Kick out Jones (forever) and bring in Read
2) Repeat step 1 but replace Jones with Giles and Read with Monty
3) Mahmood in for Anderson for the next time
4) Please note the difference between point 3 with points 1 & 2. Anderson dropped for one test due to form and pitch, Jones and Giles to be booted full-stop (gramatically and emphatically).
5) Win or not, get rid of Fletcher at the end of the Ashes.

Ok so the last point may be a bit harsh, but thinking with clarity; is it really? Cases for the prosecution would point out: the abject form of Steve Harmison; recalling and then keeping GERAINT FUCKING JONES IN THE TEAM; picking a rusty and out of practice Giles over the more economical, wicket-taking Monty Panesar: the best spinning prospect England has produced in decades; taking Trescothick out to Oz when he couldn't have been ready; not giving a wicketkeeper a central contract; our woeful one-day form; not doing more to keep Troy Cooley and getting humiliated in the Champions Trophy in India but still coming back to Blighty for a week or so prior to going out to Australia to acclimatise, practice and maybe play some cricket.
Case made.

Labels: bye bye Fletcher, Chris Read, cricket, Geraint FUCKING Jones, snatching defeat from the jaws of an easy draw, the Ashes, Wheelie Bin