Barry's Beef

Big Ern McCracken
The archetypal arsehole is Bill Murray and Big Ern is just so cool. It's hard to fully convey his genius in words alone, his mannerisms and presence just makes for a film-stealing performance.

But he does say funny things too:


Roy Munson: You two know each other?
Big Ern: It's a small world when you got unbelievable tits.

[Roy Munson is getting ready for his turn to bowl]
Big Ern: It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he's the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He's got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.
Munson: Hey. Do you mind? I wasn't talking when you were bowling.
Big Ern: Was I talking out loud? Was I? Sorry. Good luck.
Reporter: What's the story behind this paternity suit against you?
Big Ern: It's not a case. The woman's a stone-faced liar. Let's not talk about that. I pulled out of her really early on that one.

Big Ern: Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?