Monday, January 01, 2007

Arfur's Rest in Peace spoilt by moaning old cow kicking the bucket

This Yuletide saw the deaths of not only James Brown and Saddam Hussein, but also Pauline Fowler, the old bitch on the Square (is that not a J-Lo number?). To nick a joke from Harry Hill's Christmas TV Burp: Why did Pauline Fowler cross the road? To have a brain haemorrhage.
So after 22 years of scowling Pauline Fowler is no more. Martin Fowler finds himself like Chingachcook the last of his people, but where as Chingachcook was the Last of the Mohicans, Martin is Last of the Fowlers.
It was with untold glee that the nation watched the old hag (who coincidentally votes Tory in real life) collapse, or more accurately fall to the ground in carefully choreographed stages (you could almost imagine it pictured on an airplane handbook...if you feel you are about to die please collapse like this).
Earlier in the episode it was Sonia, the dastardly ugly ex-lesbian fattie who slapped the taste out of Fowler's mouth. She decked Pauline and Pauline smacked her head. Murder! Murder! Downgraded to manslaughter (womanslaughter) on appeal perhaps? And just watch the clip below, who is the first to see Pauline's limp, lifeless and grey body? Yes, it's Betty the Dog. Two bitches together, almost poetic.
And where in the blue blazes is Eastenders supposed to be set? I live in East London (well the Essex part thereof) and there was no snow but down the road in E20 (supposedly next to Bow) there is more white stuff than the WAGs Christmas Party.
Now shut it Lola, I really must go and do my packing. Yes I am off on holiday E20. To find evidence against Betty.

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Technically you're not correct about the last of the Fowlers. What of the spawn of Martin and Sonia??

Have a good holiday mate. See you soon.
Mmmm. Just watched the clip old chum. Was that music for real? How naff was that?!
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