Monday, January 01, 2007
Arfur's Rest in Peace spoilt by moaning old cow kicking the bucket
This Yuletide saw the deaths of not only James Brown and Saddam Hussein, but also Pauline Fowler, the old bitch on the Square (is that not a J-Lo number?). To nick a joke from Harry Hill's Christmas TV Burp: Why did Pauline Fowler cross the road? To have a brain haemorrhage.
So after 22 years of scowling Pauline Fowler is no more. Martin Fowler finds himself like Chingachcook the last of his people, but where as Chingachcook was the Last of the Mohicans, Martin is Last of the Fowlers.
It was with untold glee that the nation watched the old hag (who coincidentally votes Tory in real life) collapse, or more accurately fall to the ground in carefully choreographed stages (you could almost imagine it pictured on an airplane handbook...if you feel you are about to die please collapse like this).
Earlier in the episode it was Sonia, the dastardly ugly ex-lesbian fattie who slapped the taste out of Fowler's mouth. She decked Pauline and Pauline smacked her head. Murder! Murder! Downgraded to manslaughter (womanslaughter) on appeal perhaps? And just watch the clip below, who is the first to see Pauline's limp, lifeless and grey body? Yes, it's Betty the Dog. Two bitches together, almost poetic.
And where in the blue blazes is Eastenders supposed to be set? I live in East London (well the Essex part thereof) and there was no snow but down the road in E20 (supposedly next to Bow) there is more white stuff than the WAGs Christmas Party.
Now shut it Lola, I really must go and do my packing. Yes I am off on holiday tomorrow...to E20. To find evidence against Betty.
So after 22 years of scowling Pauline Fowler is no more. Martin Fowler finds himself like Chingachcook the last of his people, but where as Chingachcook was the Last of the Mohicans, Martin is Last of the Fowlers.
It was with untold glee that the nation watched the old hag (who coincidentally votes Tory in real life) collapse, or more accurately fall to the ground in carefully choreographed stages (you could almost imagine it pictured on an airplane handbook...if you feel you are about to die please collapse like this).
Earlier in the episode it was Sonia, the dastardly ugly ex-lesbian fattie who slapped the taste out of Fowler's mouth. She decked Pauline and Pauline smacked her head. Murder! Murder! Downgraded to manslaughter (womanslaughter) on appeal perhaps? And just watch the clip below, who is the first to see Pauline's limp, lifeless and grey body? Yes, it's Betty the Dog. Two bitches together, almost poetic.
And where in the blue blazes is Eastenders supposed to be set? I live in East London (well the Essex part thereof) and there was no snow but down the road in E20 (supposedly next to Bow) there is more white stuff than the WAGs Christmas Party.
Now shut it Lola, I really must go and do my packing. Yes I am off on holiday tomorrow...to E20. To find evidence against Betty.
Labels: Betty, Eastenders, Last of the Mohicans, murdering canines, Pauline Fowler
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Name that tune in one
I don't really approve of buskers. Normally, I do not see their boundless enthusiasm being matched by boundless talent. And as much as I appreciate the guy at Tottenham Court Road shaking some noisy ball (probably not the technical term) and singing "Gonna have a party", the Bob Marley guy at Westminster who only knows the words http://barrysbeef.blogspot.com/2006/12/celebrity-big-brother-with-added.html and the quite remarkable violinist (if you get near a note, play it) also at Westminster, you got to think that busking is tantamount to begging.However, no buskers quite get on my wick as much as the Peruvian Panpipes players. Yesterday, they were on Oxford Street and looking for all the world like Native Americans with head-dresses of feathers and tanned leathers. Anyway, on walking past I picked their tune in about three notes as being one of the instrumentals off the Last of the Mohicans. I was mighty impressed with myself and was left pondering (not for very long at all) very the Peruvians were being frauds and passing it off as their own tune? Honestly, these manufactured boy-bands make me sick.
Labels: begging, fraud, Last of the Mohicans, Peruvian panpipes
